When depression and anxiety take over your life | COPD

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When depression and anxiety take over your life…..

by on September 29, 2012 · 34 comments

This is not a post I ever thought I’d have to write on COPD. Not because I’m ashamed of my condition, but I never thought it would get so bad that it stops me from doing one of my favourite things which is beauty blogging.

I’ve had depression for the last 14 years but it feels like it’s been with me forever. I haven’t always been on medication but when I am I feel much better. I’m lucky in that the one and only pill I’ve been prescribed for my depression has worked – I always say it’s the missing puzzle piece to my jigsaw brain. While these pills have helped me lead a normal life (Jamie definitely sees the difference) they aren’t a cure-all. I’d say they work to keep me on an even keel, but when certain factors keeping bringing me down not even the pills can help.

In the last 7 months I have been under a lot of pressure at work. Now I’m lucky in that my normal day-to-day job working for a charity in Nottingham doesn’t give me an enormous amount of stress, however there have been a lot of staff changes which has meant that I’ve taken on more work which I’m perfectly capable of doing, but the other bit of my workload didn’t go down. So long story short back in March/April time I had several panic attacks; some big, some small. When I came back from my holiday in June I was more relaxed but over the summer I still felt that something wasn’t quite right, even though we had taken on someone to do the work I had picked up. I requested to drop my hours from 37 to 30, working only 4 days per week. Initially my line manager said no, which didn’t help and made the situation worse. Thankfully though there is an independent panel that make the assessment that she wasn’t on and they granted my request. Next week will be the first time ever in my life that I have worked part-time save for when I was high school or college.

So what happens now? I can’t afford to have another panic attack otherwise I will have to get signed off sick. It’s not a road I want to go down as I’ve been there before and it’s not really helpful. My work contract finishes end of December and I’ve already put the wheels in motion to work for myself when my job ends. I think this will be the biggest help of all as I will be able to control how and when I work. If it’s a matter of me making less money and being more sane then it’s worth it.

Weight Watchers has obviously taken a back seat the last few weeks but I’m going to start again next Saturday. My weight loss is still a priority for me but I had to take a step back to move forward. I want to say tremendous thanks to all my beauty blogging peeps who have helped me through the last few weeks. It’s time like this you realise how utterly fabulous the beauty blogging can be!

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  • { 34 comments… read them below or add one }

    Kizzy September 29, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Sending you cyber hugs!

    ReplyOctober 4, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Thank you – I can feel them all the way here in England!

    ReplyEnigmatic Rambles September 29, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    I wish mental illness wasn’t such a ‘taboo’ subject. If more people understood then maybe it would be easier for the suffering to be less, when you are in a dark place it couldn’t have helped not being allowed to cut back on your hours and it going through a panel. *e hugs* x

    ReplyOctober 4, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Thanks, I’ve now been signed off for a few weeks by the doctor which I didn’t want to happen but my husband thinks it will help. xoxo

    ReplyUnevenlemming September 29, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    I was in exactly in the same situation but I left my job after they were unhelpful after a knee injury that led to my attacks. In now have a better job, am in the middle of CBT (as I decided against drugs to see how this went). I really hope that improves you’re situation xx

    ReplyOctober 4, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    I’ve finally been referred to therapy or will be when they call me, it’s never been mentioned before but my doctor today said he doesn’t want to mess around with my drugs for the depression. I’ve been told CBT works, I hope it’s making a difference for you! xoxo

    ReplyUnevenlemming October 4, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    CBT is good at thnking about situations and how to handle them better, it’s more how to handle situations. I have a computer training progrmame as well as a therapist on the phone and email. Hpwever I was NHS and it took nearly two months to get something in place with them. There’s a great support network of other ‘suffers’ as you can see, they helped me a lot through the dark times (twitter is great ) xxx

    ReplyOctober 16, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    I’ve got my first therapy appointment in a few weeks time, I guess they are just going to assess me to see what I need. I’m quite interested in group therapy – sometimes just hearing what others are going through puts things into perspective for me!

    ReplyLaura September 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Keep blogging! I know that having a routine really helps me when I’m feeling down. About six months ago, I had a few weeks off work between jobs and I thought I’d have a great time – I wasn’t exactly having the best time at that previous job – but in fact having less to do made things worse. I had more time to think and worry about stuff. If I’d have been blogging back then it would probably have been a great distraction Good for you having plans in place to work for yourself! Amazing.

    Laura x

    ReplyOctober 4, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Your so right Laura, I’ve now been signed off from work for a few weeks and I think my blogging will help with my concentration. It’s so easy to to just stop and when you come back it feels to overwhelming. At least my blogging doesn’t have deadlines, if I sit in front of the computer for 10 minutes with a blank stare no one will notice! xoxo

    ReplyZoe September 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    Never forget that you are awesome, .

    You will get through this. Keep talking about it (in my experience, that helps) and keep leaning on Jamie and your family and friends.

    Bad mental health is the pits. It affects *everything*. It’s ok to be ill. We all get ill, whether it’s the flu, a broken leg or anxiety. Your body and mind will heal, and you’ll come out stronger on the other side.

    Lots of love, hugs and cups of tea

    ReplyOctober 4, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Ooh I miss your cups of tea and of course I miss you more!!! We’ll have to catch up soon xoxo

    ReplyMaja H September 29, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    Big hugs <3 I’ve been there and I know how it feels, it is utterly horrible. Thankfully I am out of that hole, but I know several people who are struggeling. There are a lot more than most people think. I hope cutting down on work hours will make things easier. Whatever helps I hope you are having a lovely Saturday evening!

    ReplyOctober 4, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    Thank you – I’ve got plenty of time to relax now as I’ve been signed off work and plenty of time for blogging too!

    ReplyBronnie September 30, 2012 at 11:25 am

    I’m so sorry you have been through this. But it’s great you’ve shared it because the more we share these things, the more we normalise them. Hope you stay well.

    ReplyOctober 4, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    I agree, I talk about it to anyone who will listen so they can see the mental health problems can affect anyone at anytime. People always tell me I’m good at hiding it but what they don’t realise is that depression and being down aren’t part of anyone’s personality – it just comes out of of the blue ! Thanks for you comment hun x

    ReplyJen September 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    It seems we may be twins although I have other contributing medical factors I can relate whole heartedly. I find that my depression gets worse as the seasons change and it begins to turn into SAD (seasonly affective disorder) where I don’t get enough sunlight to keep me chirpy. Perhaps try investigating SAD to see if this could also be a factor

    ReplyOctober 4, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Hi Jen – I do think living in the UK has a lot to do with it. There is a distinct lack of sunshine here compared to my native US. Even in the winters in the US we still get sunshine. I’ve been referred by my doctor to get some therapy so hopefully at some point we can get to the bottom of what is going on! xoxo